IF YOU'VE ALREADY READ the red writing on a preivous blog, skip to the bottom area (starting with the black writing ) \\
Here we go… I’m going to be addressing a list of topics that would be better for my status, approval and likeability if I just let other people write about it (as many have) and “just focus on ‘pastoring’ things.” But the very reason I feel compelled to write about these topics are approval and pastoring. While these posts may lose me the approval of many, the approval from the only one that matters (God) is what matters. On top of that, my greatest responsibility in pastoring is to help others know, love and follow Jesus, and to place God’s Word and authority at the core of everything.
But, there is another catalyst to these writings: The current culture’s embracing of the topics and ideologies I’ll be covering are heartbreaking, disturbing, sinful, and harmful. Yet they are being championed, accepted, and celebrated. We are at a point in history where confusion is the exulted king, and many Christians are “going with the flow,” because the cost to stand up for truth is already too costly. In the name of “love” we have capitulated to insanity, believing that our influence in the world will be reduced with a bold Biblical worldview that refuses to bend to the current “truth.” Sadly, our unwillingness to plant our flag in the ground because the issues “aren’t important enough”, has resulted in a society that murders babies, mutilates kids, celebrates unhindered sexual expression, encourages insanity and lies, and tells our children ‘You can be whatever you want to be and do whatever you want to do.’ In short, we have been too timid for too long, and now the group that is suffering the most (our children) are being herded to a place they’ve been told is safe, good, and loving, but in fact, only provides the opposite.
These writing are for THE CHURCH- meaning Jesus loving, Bible believing, Christ-following, full of grace and truth Christians- If you are not this, then nothing I write will make any sense until you fix your eyes on Jesus, place your faith in Him, and decide that His ways are the best. If you don’t follow Jesus, I pray this for you- that you would seek truth, seek salvation, and when you see that truth and salvation are not found in our own creation, but are found in Jesus, the truth will set you free.
For those that are THE CHURCH- these writings are for you, so let me start with the general application: WE MUST NOT BE SILENT. WE MUST STAND UP FOR OUR CHILDREN. WE MUST INFLUENCE ALL AREAS OF THE PUPLIC AND PRIVATE SECTORS. WE MUST FILTER AND LIVE THROUGH A BIBLICAL WORLDVIEW- NO MATTER THE COST. WE CAN’T CAPITULATE TO ANY OF SOCIETIES INSANITY, WE MUST FOLLOW GOD’S WORD….
AND WE MUST DO THIS ALL OUT OF LOVE AND FOR LOVE (AND THAT LOVE IS ONLY DEFINED BY GOD).
To begin, clarity is not found where we might think. Being precise in definitions, identifying what the “real issue” is, understanding differing perspectives and viewpoints may help in our communication, but all these things will not bring about clarity until one core question is settled: Who has the ultimate authority over these issues? (1 Corinthians 3:19) If our answer to this question is anything other than, “God,” we have elevated that “other” thing/ person/ organization above God in a way that assures us of disaster. Would it be wise, or even good to allow an elementary student to guide us in the works of Shakespeare? Are ants here to dictate to us how to think, what to do, and what is right? Should a kleptomaniac be asked to define what stealing is? As obvious as the answer to each of these questions are, this is what we’ve done with each of these issues. We’ve allocated our understanding and reaction to these issues to human reasoning, our laws, and most dangerously-our feelings, unaware (or deliberately ignoring) the fact that both our history and our current reality prove we are but children, ants, and kleptomaniacs.
Since the fall of man we’ve had differing and changing perspectives on good and evil, right and wrong, and what humans should and shouldn’t do to one another. But this isn’t just a story of history; when we look over the current landscape of the world’s cultures, we have the same myriad of opinions on morality as those crazy and abhorrent perspectives of the past. Though morality has always been a moving target in the human heart (reveling its corruptibility) we a moral guide that is eternal, holy, and unchanging. May we not fool ourselves into thinking that we are wiser than this guide, instead we need to humbly submit to His authority, His wisdom, and His Word. Once we accept the authority God has, we must not simply make a mental agreement, we must then bow our knees and orient our lives to His Word. In other words, we find clarity in these issue from God and God alone.
Why do Christians make such a big deal about marriage and sex? Well, because the Bible makes a big deal about it. In fact, right from the beginning of the Bible God tells Adam and Eve to, “Get it on” (Paraphrased). There is also a whole book of the Bible dedicated to it (Song of Solomon), and both the Old and New Testament have multiple directives on this topic. In fact, in the book of 1 Corinthians Paul warns his readers to “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does!” Paul is saying this one has implications that are different than other sins, implications on the whole body/person. This is a big deal, and not because Christians are prudish killjoys, but because God created sex to be holy and good, and our propensity is to make it cheap, flippant entertainment. God isn’t some overbearing Dad who won’t let you have fun. He is a loving Father, who knows what is best for us and has created sex to be enjoyed exclusively within the context of marriage. Only in marriage can sex be what it was created to be- a beautiful expression of covenant love and unity to one another, an icon of God, and a representation of Jesus’ relationship to His Church.
A brief overview of the harm of sex outside of marriage
Genesis 2:24 states “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” This is male/ female marriage unity is supposed to be a forever covenant of belonging to one another. The one flesh is not just a metaphor of agreed upon unity and exclusivity, it is the consummation of that commitment through sex. Sex, as God created it to be both an expression of affirmation of the covenant commitment and a physical union that represents the oneness that comes from that commitment. Sex outside of this context is cheap and soiled: It is not what it was created to be. It is less than. It is missing the point, and it is harmful. But how can this be harmful? (especially if it’s two consenting adults). Though we need no more answer than, “Because that’s how God designed it,” let me address three of the most significant ways it is harmful.
1) The very attempt to try to make exceptions to the rule reveals a lack of understanding of what you’re dealing with. It’s like a child who asks if they can play catch with a Fabergé egg. Yes, technically you can, and you may even have fun doing so, but you’ve missed what it was made for, you’ve missed the beauty, you’ve missed its value. You’ve missed the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate it for what it is. In other words, the question, “How can this be harmful?” must first be answered with- Do you understand what this is? Once you understand what sex is, you have the answer. I’ll explain the spiritual and physical implication of sex shortly, but let’s return to 1 Corinthians to get the broad answer: 18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;20 you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies. (1 Cor 6). Though, in this context, Paul’s rebuke is directed at sexual engagement with prostitutes, the implications of both this saying, and the entire Biblical teaching on this topic are that sex should be reserved for a husband/ wife relationship. (If Paul was only addressing sex with a prostitute, Paul’s point would be ‘paying for sex is wrong’ since that is the differentiation between ‘normal sex’ and ‘prostituted sex’- but clearly, he is not.) But don’t miss this: the narrow context of proper sexual engagement is an invitation to worship: ‘honor God with your bodies.’ Sex outside of the context God established is not just non-worship, it is anti-worship. It is telling God, I’d rather have fun, than trust you. Here we must return to understanding that God’s creation of sex is meant to be fun, AND safe, AND something that deepens your connection with your spouse. Sex connects people in a spiritual way that is meant for marriage, and if you say, “it doesn’t bother or affect me,” you are revealing how much you undervalue the person you are sleeping with. To have sex with someone and suppress the connection it creates means you’ve degraded the other person as simply a means to your pleasure. So, the harm that non-God honoring sex does is sometimes seen and sometimes ignored, sometimes felt and sometimes dismissed, but because it is not how God created it to be, harm is always present. “BUT I WANT PROOF!” you say?...Here we see the heart of the tempter, “Did God really say that? Is it really that bad?” Caution my friend! But, since you asked, allow me to share the starkest reality of unconstrained sexual engagement.
2) Years ago there was a large contingency of people fighting against same-sex marriage for fear that unfettering marriage from one man and one woman would lead to even greater deviant behavior. These people were regularly accused of using a slippery slope logical fallacy. If you don’t know what a slippery slope argument is, when a course of action is rejected because the slippery slope advocate believes it will lead to a chain reaction resulting in an undesirable end or ends. Opponents of redefining marriage would argue; “If we allow men to marry men, or women to marry women, it will lead to removing all restrictions of marriage. Meaning marriage can be whatever anyone wants; man and dog, woman and child, man with multiple wives, etc.” The idea that same sex marriage would lead an accepting and relaxing our stance on these gross and deviant behaviors was chalked up to absurd exaggeration, and creating unnecessary fear, in order to tear down the arguments for same sex marriage. These fears were labeled as slippery slope arguments, nothing of real substance. Well, we’re clearly heading down the slope! When we look at the social landscape of today, it is not uncommon to hear of these deviant behaviors being normalized, being accepted as identity, and being invited into the public square for affirmation and inclusion. These opponents were not lucky in their predictions- they were logical: If we redefine what marriage actually is, we (instead of God- and reality) become the subjective arbiters of what to include under that heading. Who’s to say a 40-year-old man can’t marry a 10 year old girl? The answer given of course is, “society.” But what does society know? Less than 200 hundred years ago society said slavery was right. Just a few decades ago society said, “homosexuality is taboo.” If, in the last 50 years, homosexuality has shifted from taboo to celebrated–wouldn’t it be logical to conclude that what we now think is vile (a 40-year-old with a 10 year old) might follow suit? I share this story and this logical reality to say- We are already seeing the harm of the acceptance and encouragement of sex outside of marriage. Once we scoff at the God-created expression of sexual intimacy within marriage, we are inviting the populace to tell us what is good and bad- and that is a scary reality (a reality we are already living in).
3) Lastly, the harm of sex outside of marriage is not just because of the ever growing affirmation of deviant sexual activities (which, to be clear- any sex outside of marriage is deviant behavior according to God, not just things we are uncomfortable with), but sex outside of marriage harms those involved-NOW: a break up after giving it up, a closeness knit in the bedroom that keeps you from properly evaluating your future with this person, disappointment of a partner that may not do things like the last, a mind filled with the last person, an expectation that carries over from the other girl, being taken advantage of for the sake of “this is how we show love”, not knowing if he likes you for you or your body, entangling yourself emotionally because you’ve done so physically… and so much more. But for those who say, “I see no way my sexual engagement outside of marriage has harmed me.” I want to humbly submit: You are like a child at a city park who has never been to Disneyland. What you know may be fun, in-fact you could stay there your whole life and think, “this is great,” but what God has for you is Disneyland. It is so much better, cleaner, safer, and if you knew that, you’d know how pathetic the city park is.
Before we move on to understanding the spiritual beauty and reality of sex in marriage, I want to remind you: God can redeem anything. In fact, God loves redeeming things! I say this because you may have a story where your sexual engagement was not (or is not) in line with what God has established. You may be thinking, “Now I’m stuck at the city park because I’ve crossed that line.” No, no, no. By God’s grace and the work of Jesus he can take your sin and forgive it, he can take your mind and transform it, he can take your heart and mend it, and he can take your sex life and renovate it.
What is this significant spiritual reality of sex?
To understand the depth of meaning God has placed in marital sexual union we must see first see marriage for what it is:
Baker’s Evangelical dictionary defines marriage as, “An intimate and complementing union between a man and a woman in which the two become one physically, in the whole of life. The purpose of marriage is to reflect the relationship of the Godhead and to serve him.”
This includes:
-Procreation, and the establishment of the family (a quick acknowledgement that not all marriages are able to produce kids, and that doesn’t make their marriage inferior, but as any couple who desires, and can’t have, kids would say, it is missing something)
-Growing in love and service to one another.
-Husbands loving their wives as Christ loved the church (gave His life up for her.)
-Wives submitting to their husbands. (I’ll explain more of the last two points later in this writing)
So, from this we need to clean up the downgraded view of marriage we may have:
Marriage is not a social agreement that provides tax benefits with someone we love.
Marriage is not a strong, yet contingent, commitment.
Marriage is not just a commitment to give up dating other people.
Marriage is not just saying, “let’s live together/ start a family.”
Let’s return to the broader definition of the purpose of marriage, “to reflect the relationship of the Godhead and to serve him.” I want to break this down, focusing first on the profound statement of, Reflect the relationship of the Godhead. Another way to say that is marriage and sex is an icon of who God is. I know this may sound weird, but stick with me. The definition of icon I’m using is, “a symbol or representation of something.” So, how is marriage and sex an icon of God?
To understand the significance of the marital and sexual icon I want to introduce a word that will help clarify this metaphor: Perichoresis. Perichoresis refers to the mystery of the Trinitarian relationship between God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Essentially, it means a generous giving and receiving by each person to the other, which blurs the boundaries between them; the divine dance. In other words, there is an intimate, yet un-understandable connection between the three, that holds them as individuals, but still, mysteriously one. God the Father is distinctly God the Father, Jesus is distinctly Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is distinctly the Holy Spirit YET God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are no more than one God. They are three but they are one.
A marriage is supposed to be a covenant commitment, of two distinct individuals, under the authority (and hopefully indwelling) of God, to generously give themselves to one another, establishing a new identity of inseparability. So husband, wife, with God, now become a marriage, and expression of perichoresis (this is a mystery).
But wait, there is more. From the beginning of the Bible (Genesis) to the end (Revelation) there is a statement being made about how God brings things to unity- in pairs. In the first chapter of Genesis you see a lot of repeating pairs, complementing each other. The final pair that is made is man and woman, to work together to serve God. The end of the Bible talks also of a pair being reunited: Heaven and earth, and it is here that we see, throughout history, God has been fighting to restore His relationship (heaven) with us (earth). When the city of Jerusalem, (representing God’s dwelling), meets earth, God’s eternal kingdom of eternal peace is established. The bringing together of two “differents” to be something new calls us back to the expression of marriage and sex in the Bible. Once again, marriage is not a convenient social institute; it is instead a reflection of God’s unconditional covenantal commitment to his people. This means that sex both reflects the unity of the Trinity and anticipates the joining of heaven and earth, as the pair are united in complete harmony and love.
The icon is not just of the perichoresis, it is an icon, a reflection, a metaphor, of God’s union to His church. In Ephesians 5 Paul gives a lengthy description of how husbands and wives are supposed to interact with each other in marriage. He then caps off the summary with a call back to Genesis, helping us understand marriage has a profound spiritual purpose: 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.”
What does this mean? John Piper explains, “The union of man and woman in marriage is a mystery because it conceals, as in a parable, a truth about Christ and the church. The divine reality hidden in the metaphor of marriage is that God ordained a permanent union between His Son and the church. Human marriage is the earthly image of this divine plan. As God willed for Christ and the church to become one body (Gal 3:28; 1 Cor 12:13), so He willed for marriage to reflect this pattern—that the husband and wife become one flesh (Gen 2:24).” The Biblical idea of marriage is FAR from how most people see marriage today. The current view many have of marriage isn’t even a shadow of what it should be, instead it’s a mirage: nothing more than an ideal lasting as long as our minds want to believe in it. But, we must not stop at thinking the metaphor is just the fact that man and woman are married. Paul is not simply saying, “once you’re titled ‘married’ you are a reflection of God and His Church.”
When we read the verse in context husbands are supposed to, “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Wives are called to, “22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” The image of God and His Church in marriage is an all-encompassing calling of how husbands and wives interact in marriage: With sacrificial love, with submission, building one another up in Christ. (Perhaps another blog will be given to the culturally offensive word “submission”… which is actually very important and is both an invitation and a warning to wives.)
So, did I get off track talking about marriage, when this was supposed to be about sex? Not at all. I’m trying to help you understand why sex should be kept within marriage- because sex is an expression of marriage, is to be an icon of God, and any other usage of sex is mocking God, and giving into lust. Engaging in sex outside of marriage hurts both the self, the other person, and supports an increasingly debased, harmful acceptance of unconstrained sexual “freedom.”
As Christians, we are called to love God supremely and love our neighbors as ourselves. We know that God is love, and God knows best. If these truths are truly held then what God directs on any subject is not just directives we SHOULD follow, they are directives that are BEST and LOVING for human flourishing. These truths also mean though the world says, “keep your beliefs to yourself,” if we do what the world shouts, we are, actually, not loving our neighbors as Christ has called us. To withhold telling people what is best and loving is unloving.
Why does God care so much about your sex life? He cares because he loves you, because he designed it to be enjoyed, because He knows what is best for you, because he wants what is best for you, and because it is an opportunity to participate in the story He is telling. Sex, when experienced in the context that He created it for, is a beautiful act of passion, love, sacrifice, and worship.
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